Category Archives: MS symptom progression

Problems With Our Approach to Knowledge of MS Origins (part 1)

 

Beware mind at workSo often our problem solving approach follows the path of 1) have problem to 2) define problem to 3) find origin to 4) prevent origin to finally 5) the problem is solved.  I think our current approach is stuck at point 2 and then again at 3 when we attempt to skip point 2.

As I continue listening to The Black Swan, The Impact of the Highly Improbable  by Nassim Nicholas Talebin my car, I am struck by three implications of his logic to the question of researching the origins of MS.  I think some of his logic could help explain our difficulty in defining MS’s origins.

1. My starting point prior to hearing the book is questioning why we define MS as one disease.  It is a diagnosis of exclusion.  I was diagnosed after cancer, various sexually transmitted diseases, Lymes disease and a host of other possible diagnosis were ruled out.  It was not A, B or C.  Therefor it must be D.  It could not be any other letter, number, symbol, or yet to be discovered combination of the above.  It is “D.”

“MS” progresses at different rates, impacts different parts of our nervous systems,  and responds differently to different drugs.  Yet despite all of these differences, we assume it is option “D” which in this case is MS.

This insistence of lumping a potential host of possible diseases and conditions under one flag may be part of the problem when it comes to looking for a single cause or origin of MS.

Thought 2: http://thelifewelllived.net/2013/11/26/problems-with-our-approach-to-knowledge-of-ms-origins-part-2/

Thought 3: http://thelifewelllived.net/2013/11/26/problems-with-our-approach-to-knowledge-of-ms-origins-part-3/

Conclusion: http://thelifewelllived.net/2013/11/26/problems-with-our-approach-to-knowledge-of-ms-origins-conclusion/

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Unworthy

Is there a worse feeling than sentencing one who has loved you for a decade to exile or death?  When all she has had for me  is trust and love, when all she has ever known is our love, when all she has been is a constant companion for decade, is there a worse feeling than admitting she has to leave us because she is a pin head whose anxiety has gotten worse and worse for years till we  worry about her with kids.

For all the years of love and affection
For all the tears licked
For all of the fears eased

I don’t have words worthy of your affection, and I never have.

In truth, I’ve never felt less worthy.

I know why we have to do it, and I just have a hard time thinking of her face and the betrayal to come in just days.  As I start crying and just wanting to hide under the covers, I realize who will only be there in my dreams in 2 days after being there every day and night for 10 years.

It feels as though the tears will never stop.

Some of the tears are for her and my loss.  Some are thoughts wondering if this could be my fate.  Ten years ago, she was the object of our love as she escaped from the crate night after night with the help of our cat to go pee in the house somewhere. However, bells on the back door for her to ring every time she needed to go out worked.  Now we know some thing is wrong in her head as her anxiety increases, and we are left hoping for some bells to solve the problem as she goes to the vet tomorrow.  As this increase in anxiety happened, she more and more isolated herself upstairs. 

Over the past eight years, I’ve watched my MS and anxiety isolate me more and more. Who wants to hear about MS making life harder?  Who wants to hear about the frustrations?  I don’t know that I would want to say it all.  As I think about how quickly our relationship with Kimba has changed, I come to realize we are all just as vulnerable to random changes in our brains making us impossible to live with in the same home.  We’re all one step away from crazy, MS or no.  We can be as loyal and loving as anybody about whom stories have been told.  Tomorrow we may still be alone, and it may be for the best of all those whom we love. 

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