Noblesse Oblige

From those to whom much has been given, much is expected.

I often look at my life and think there is no way I can ever do enough to deserve the life I live.  I live in one of the richest countries ever to exist.  I get to live a relatively well-off life even by the luxurious standards of the U.S.  I work in a job I like.  I come home to a single family house where my beautiful wife and 2 kids live.  Even with my MS, I am afforded access to good care and treatments. 

As I look at all of this, I am left thinking deserve can have little to do with it.  Regardless of whether one believes everything good in their life is earned; I think one still needs to look at why we have it.  Whether we make minimum wage or $100k a year, I think the key question is what we are going to do with it.  Money is only worth what it buys whether it’s a new luxury car or a Thanksgiving dinner for a family in need.  I feel the same way about my time.  It is only worth what I do with it. 

I was asked this week, why we would take in a kid and stick with her through 30+ days in the hospital.  “Aren’t you two tired?  How do you find time for each other?”  I had to return the questions because I have a hard time believing my answer is so different:

“If you were told you would be too tired to have relations with your spouse for a month, but you could save the life of a little girl who is depending on you, would you do it?  Could you chose to ignore a little blind girl, and would you enjoy the other activities as much knowing your indulgence was hurting a little girl?  In effect, what choice have we made that is so out of the ordinary?”

The answer he gave me surprised me. “You put yourself in a position to know the little girl, and you did so after already taking in 2 lovely but challenging kids.  Most of us don’t see the little girl so we don’t see the opportunity costs.”  I wish this wasn’t so true.  I believe we all, as people in the richest country ever, should have more awareness, especially of those in need in our own country.  How can we be so blind to the incredible wealth at our disposal?  As we see the occupy wall street talk about the 99%, I find myself agreeing with much of what they say while wondering if on a global scale many of those marching aren’t already in the 1% (exaggerated, but in the top 25%? Top 10%).  At some point I hope more of us recognize all there is for which we ought to be thankful.

I do think there is some irony of fate in the question of my coworker.  The Headmaster at my high school told me my senior year I would be a great monk or priest if I was ever inclined.  I laughed and said I was unsure of my faith, and more importantly, I liked sex.  Now I long for a time when my wife and I have enough time and energy, but never so much as to make me ignore the good accomplishments of our time and energy. 

Men plan.  Fates mock.  I only hope to someday have the wisdom and patience to find and enjoy the humor.  If I never do enough to “earn” the chances I’ve been given, I hope I do at least enough to…

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This Living Thing Isn’t For Wimps

On a crappy week, some times we get news to remind us, “This living thing, it’s so not for wimps.” As we continue to survive with a little one in the hospital dividing the locations of our energy needs, it seems so easy to fall back to the tired and exhausted state I tried to describe in my last post. My hands hurt slightly worse than my head, and with the emotional drain from the kids, this week has seemed a challenge of the first order. Then it got harder.

In the midst of preparing to take the kids to Disney World, I had a phone call with my dad where he asked if he could stay with us and have me drive him to and from surgery next week. Of course, he can and will stay with us. I would choose it no other way, but I also will not pretend it will be easy. K will remain in the hospital until some time after we return from Disney. I only cringe because it will mean another half day of work of which I have had a ton in the past few weeks. Still, I am staying with the curve at work (I think)….

Then I heard, my best employee took another job. It is a little funny to me. I always pride myself on my ability to teach people to think so they will make better decisions. I think the employee became so good at her job because she constantly sought out more to learn. I wish her all the best while at the same time moaning about the thought of training somebody else new. Whoever steps into her shoes has a monster size crater to fill and quickly. We will be down 60% of our staff for the next 3-6 months with others out for various medical issues. Without any knowledge of a situation, which I cannot ask about, I would think there is a 50/50 chance of losing another of the five employees for months at some point in the next 2 years. The hard part is there is no guarantee all of the four return. So, I worry… a little bit.

Still, I know the cost of training go far beyond the time and dollars. We train people. They get good at their job. Then they are promoted or leave because there are other options for talented good workers. It is a normal life cycle of any position in a large institution, not unlike parenthood. It was once pointed out to me the alternative is to not train them and be stuck with an unproductive workforce who cannot get work done, and those people never leave (parenthood again?). They have no options. So having my best employee leave should be no shock, and in truth, I thought it would happen in the next 2 years even if she likes our unit. For me the sad part is losing somebody with whom I could be open about the job and life in general. I talk with ever fewer people. With her leaving and one of my other confidants retiring in a few months, this job will get ever more lonely.

I say all of this as if she is leaving all of us to go a 1,000 miles away instead of down the hall through a locked door. She will still be within 50 yards. I am just crappy at keeping in touch with those whom I cannot see. 

Mostly, this week has just been rough.  Sometimes doing the right things ad recognizing the good things only acts as a slightly soothing balm for a bruised sense of calm.  

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Our Family's Stories of Growing Up

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