Child care, Family, late night musing, Noblesse Oblige, sleepless nights

Value of Effort

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“We’ve bought into the idea that education is about training and “success”, defined monetarily, rather than learning to think critically and to challenge. We should not forget that the true purpose of education is to make minds, not careers. A culture that does not grasp the vital interplay between morality and power, which mistakes management techniques for wisdom, which fails to understand that the measure of a civilization is its compassion, not its speed or ability to consume, condemns itself to death.”
― Chris Hedges, Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle

It is such an easy thing to forget. For what do we strive? Even for those who say “the all mighty dollar,” is it the money or the things we will (not might) do with it? I’d hate to waste my life for a sheet of paper. Writ large for our society, the same remains true. What is to be the use of being the strongest wealthiest people/country in history?
On another more local note, our family continues without sleep…night after night.  For the past 2 nights my kids have added to the mix and peed themselves, and I am somewhat at a loss.  They both get up in the night to play even when they start in different rooms.  This morning I realized how tired I was last night when I got up and stepped on a matchbox car which A had lined up along the floor with a couple dozen other cars and trucks.  As I looked around, I saw her shirtless, asleep at the foot of the bed.
Thinking about it afterwards, I wonder if she takes comfort in lining up the cars as it is something in her life which she has power to make orderly.  Her mind is very grounded in concrete truths.  In a chaotic life of varying degrees of abstract truths where she assimilates more change at an ever more rapid pace, perhaps the lining up of cars is her minds way of asserting enough control to allow for rest.  She has brought order to that corner of her life.  I used to wonder why she always made her cars sit in traffic jams moving each of them 1 inch forward at a time instead of racing around like I see most kids play.  I hate traffic, but then I never considered how the slow motion might be calming.
 
I, of course, slept through everything.  That’s my mind’s way when the days grow ever longer, and respite from confusion and pain seems further away. Time in a loving wife’s embrace seems such a distant goal.  Still, even on a morning where I hurt from lack of rest,  I take great solace that my time and effort is spent on something more valuable than paper.  As someone to whom much has been given, I hope I spend raising the value of our family’s culture, and through them our society as a whole may gain.  What more should we ask?
 
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expectations, kids' perspective, parenting, perspective, special needs

A Parent’s Perspective

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As I was walking out to my car the other day, I watched a bird swooping down, and then beating his wings to gain altitude before plunging once more.  I can almost imagine what it must feel like to so casually fly enjoying the rush of the dive and the anticipation of the climb.  I am jealous.  It made me wonder if a snail or even a snake looks upon us and wonders what it must be like to constantly fall and catch ourselves as we walk and run from place to place.  We think nothing of it.  It is merely walking and running, this falling and catching ourselves we do so easily.  Wonder it would seem, is all about perspective.
From a child’s point of view, being able to pick what foods to cook and eat seems like a great opportunity, not some chore which needs to be done for the family multiple times every day.  Why should a child be thankful for food they don’t like when if they were picking the food it would be cake and ice cream?    So while it seems wonder may be all about perspective, so too are the senses of obligation, duty, boredom and frustration which a parent might feel at having to plan, get, and prepare food needed for children to grow.
I was thinking about all of this after we cheered for K sitting up at the table and screaming.  I pointed out my long standing theory that parents cheer for every stage of development of their children despite every new stage meaning more work for the parents.   After all, a baby in a crib or playpen is safe, but one who has learned to crawl around the house requires more supervision and preparation to avoid dangers like falling down stairs or licking electrical outlets or….  When I pointed this out (again), my wife said, “Yes but there is a special joy which comes from watching a delayed child progress.”  I guess so, but it comes right back to my “perspective.”  It feels special because it is no longer expected.
As our kids are now 5 and 6, it is easier to get frustrated as parent because we are beginning to have expectations whether these are fair or not.  Sometimes it is hard to remember when we wondered if A would ever walk as she sat on the play mat.  We wondered how delayed she would be, but now she reads books herself at an above 1st grade level.  She dances.  Sometimes as O screams out in rage or complains because he wants to get out of bed, it’s easy to forget the progress as he is no longer shoving poo under the door in protest.   Here is a boy who faced 50/50 odds on mental retardation due to injury twice, and the silly boy is smart as a whip.
My question is when and why do we lose our early wonder as our kids get older?  Is it because we become necessary as order providers, and in doing so are forced into the “Don’t do that” role so often that the perspective of amazement is harder to hold?  My father-in-law once said, “The hardest part of being a parent is not getting mad at a kid for acting their age.”  I think that is still true, but a really close second is maintaining that sense of amazement and wonder.  I keep telling myself, “The angrier I am, the better the story of this incident is likely to be in a week.”  Keep laughing I tell myself…though it is often really hard to listen in the moment.
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Our Family's Stories of Growing Up

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