The Life Well Lived

2006 A year of extremes

I tend to look back to see where I am in life around this time each year. It’s a good time to look back at what I’ve really liked, what I wish never happened, and all of the important moments falling in between.

Probably the biggest occurrence of the year in my life was bringing home A. As she has grown and gone from an 8 month old little girl who couldn’t so much as roll over or sit up (even with help) to a little girl who crawls everywhere to explore, I can’t help but be happy for her. The little laugh I first heard as Cat tickled her and now hear constantly never fails to bring a smile to my face. All in all the time I spend taking care of her is one of the things in my life of which I am most proud. Being able to do other support duties so my wife can take care of her the majority of the time ranks up there too.

It’s been a year where I spent large swaths of time unable to do some of the things I have traditionally enjoyed greatly. As I got double vision, reading became extremely difficult. This kept me from reading to A., from reading by myself for fun, or even just reading road signs. That was a little scary, but the facial palsy and the puking in the car after the spinal tap were worse. Ah well.

With all that my body went through in my first flare that lead to my diagnosis of MS, I am still thankful that my body let up enough for the week and a half to allow me to head down the Grand Canyon. Quite honestly, that was one of the most relaxing trips I’ve ever been on. So what that I was dizzy as I climbed up to the grain storage cutaways? The view was great, and quite honestly, one of the things I miss most about the time before MS was working out hard enough to have sore mussels to rub. Some things are just unexplainably satisfying to the soul. I think the Shakers got it right: “Hands to work, Hearts to God.” I can certainly appreciate the feeling of correctness that comes from working hard whether that be climbing a mountain, staying up to read a book to a young kid before bed, or splitting firewood from a tree that had to come down.

All in all, even with the diagnosis of MS, the lack of energy, and the symptoms that occasionally mean a lack of dignity, I can’t help but think this has been a year where the ups have done a more than adequate job of keeping my spirits up. As I type this, I can hear A’s laugh echoing in my head. I guess it’s still been a good year. Here’s to an even better year for 2007.

Sometimes being right isn’t enough and being “wrong” isn’t enough either…Both sides suck in their own special way.

So my new knowledge about the way life seems to work was gained being frustrated with a lady at my work smoking right outside my window. Grrr. I don’t want to breath that crud, and I don’t need my throat closing up because she is too self absorbed to read any one of the signs posted every 30 feet about not smoking within 50 feet of the building. Anyway, I went outside, walked up to her, and asked her not to smoke next in the alley that our windows to which our windows open. After the flood of our office caused by smokers dumping their butts and clogging the sewer drains our office is moldy so any fresh air is appreciated. In any event, she said she would move so I started waling back to my office. After I walked a ways away, I turned and looked back. She was in the same place still smoking and talking on the phone.

I headed back her way at which point she got kind of indignant asking what I was doing. I said I was noting that she was still smoking outside my window. She again said she was moving. At that point I said the one thing in the argument I kind of regret: “BS”

She then started screaming that I was calling her a liar, and one of her friends came to see what was going on. I asked if I needed to call her a “liar” as she was still standing outside my window with her lit cigarette. At that point she kept going on about how I was calling her a liar. Periodically, when she took a breath, I would ask if it was true that she was still standing outside my office with a lit cigarette despite her promise. The conversation continued with a few variations for the next 15 min while her cigarette burned down.

It was a thoroughly amusing if not productive argument. It did however give me something to think about as I cringe thinking about A. and her visit with her biological family tomorrow. As foster parents, we have no rights when it comes to trying to protect A from neglect or mistreatment that we suspect will happen when/if she goes back to them. If the foster agency were to tell to go away and never give her another thought, they would be within their “rights.” That said, I suspect I’d take it worse than the smoking lady took my admonishment. My need isn’t for a cigarette. It’s to protect A from potentially not getting the care she needs, and I’m not sure they will care for her given the info we have been given. I’d like to think my motives are more noble, but my reaction…

I don’t know. I will say I can understand the not necessarily logical reaction of the smoker. Being “right” was never going to convince her she shouldn’t smoke there. I’m not sure the lack of having the “right” to protect A will keep me from fretting and wishing things were otherwise.