I wonder who sees most clearly, the one looking out through the partially drawn curtains or the one who looks in from outside? Both may think they see enough to ascertain what lies on the other side of the window pane. However, light may hide what is less well lit on the other side, and the curtains themselves may act as blinders potentially focusing our attention on but a part of the reality on the other side of the window pane.

I think about this as we struggle to get A up every morning. I guess I am thankful she is finally sleeping again, but getting through the morning routine of bathroom, medicine, food and teeth brushing is becoming an ever more arduous and time consuming endeavor. Do we wake earlier or put to bed earlier? Are the medicines to blame? Is this a normal reaction to a stressed body and mind?

Clearly there is something happening on the other side of the pane leading to what seems like ever increasing levels of frustration and pain. What is one to do when your child implicitly expects you to provide the framework for them to understand and overcome such trivialities in life as getting up to face the day?

Perhaps the totality of experience is too great to be viewed through any window as neither side of the window is gifted with a complete picture. Imagine two kids looking through the from opposite sides of the window in the darkened bedroom. The kid looking out may see a child running and screaming. Are they scared or happy? Should we call for help? Oh no! To the child running outside chasing a ball too low to be seen by the person inside, there is no need to stop and ring the bell because the room is dark with no sign of anyone with whom to play. Both perspectives miss, and an opportunity is lost.

While I may read about slow motility and pulmonary atresia, I can no more more understand the breadth of experiencing them than I can explain the sound of wind blowing through the trees full of leaves to a blind man who has never heard a sound. Most of the time, I feel trapped with a sense of what is going on which feels no more complete than either of the two kids on opposite sides of the window.

See what happens when I hang curtains? I pretend to be a kid once more to try a perspective I worry about losing.