Category Archives: stress

a good life, break point, family life, MS, MS cognitive function, MS symptoms, pain, parenting, self esteem, stress, Uncategorized, when kids won't sleep, worries

Breathe. This Too Shall Pass. Just Breathe.

2 Comments

10…. Breathe. Just breathe. This too shall pass. O is having one of his run from authority screaming in an effort to avoid any work or responsibility. I will play some of this off as his way of dealing with the stress of the move. I wish he wouldn’t teak K to jump on the couches and chairs or run down the stairs with hand prints on both walls as he steadies himself between each jump. Dear Lord, will he ever stop screaming that high pitched squeal of excitement.

9…. Breathe. This too shall pass. Just breathe. A will not always stay awake all night to be in a rotten mood. She will have to sleep at some point, right? Maybe…She explained her sleeplessness as feeling like the dogs in a thunderstorm. Even if she has never had anything bad happen while she slept, the fear is real, and it is inhibiting her sleep. Last week, we gave up and went to bed with her still up. At 3:30, she came and woke me to help her get in bed with her dog. She had stayed up drawing by flash light.

8… Breathe. Just breathe. This too shall pass. K is a bright cheerful light. She laughs as wind touches her face. She cheerfully accepts any thing she can. She imitates her siblings to our chagrin and emulates O’s hyper activity intent to out screech him. She wants to miss nothing in life, and she wants to be with her siblings at all times even as they teach her things they get in trouble for doing.

7 …. Breathe. This too shall pass. Just breathe. My staff of 7 from a year ago has lost 4 of the employees and is likely to lose another. Out new upper management change has driven many of the best employees to look elsewhere for employment. All the while we enter the 5th year of our 5 year cycle. The most complex processing lies directly in front of us with little time to train new employees and not enough employees to do the job without the added brain power. Miss deadlines? I hate failing to deliver.

6… Breathe. Just breathe. This too shall pass. We bought a house! We have our stuff in the new house if now put away. I feel like I live in my car going between Walmart and Lowes to get this and that followed by returning this and that to correct the sizes.

5… Breathe. This too shall pass. Just breathe. With stress comes pain in the head and muscles, foggy brain time, and ever more mistakes. The amount of rework time needed is insane.

4… Breathe. Just breathe. This too shall pass. A’s has slow motility. I wonder if she knows what it is to have an empty stomach. We have tried medicines aplenty. We are having some luck with juicing, but it is an abominably labor in tense process for us to get juice pulp free using a food processor and a strainer to get juice which will go through her g-tube. This too shall pass? That’s the idea!

3… Breathe. This too shall pass. Just breathe. My heroine, J, has done so much of the move. She has coordinated, planned, carried and strained. I have always called her my Wonder Woman. How she keeps going is incredible. I feel so guilty unable to help more. Sure, I can watch the kids and carry the really heavy items, but I haven’t the energy to go 14 hours a day as she has for the past few weeks.

2… Breath. Just breathe. This too shall pass. One of the hardest parts of MS is the helpless feeling I should be able to do more. As I get stressed, I still expect my mind and body to perform as normal. I have had varying levels of pain for year, so why should it matter now? I have been a project manager for 8 years. Work stress comes and goes, so why am I unable to perform as well as ever. Then, the fear of failing again feeds into a feeling of downward spiral. Why? It’s a matter of faith this too shall pass, and recovery is near.

1… Breathe. This too shall pass. Just breathe. We have tried for years to teach our kids the magic calming of counting either up or down with each breath. I find myself resorting to this method ever more often. Calm is out of sight but just around the corner, right?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Share
stress, stress and MS

Stress and Moving

Here is a picture capturing some of the best and worst parts of moving.
Here is a picture capturing some of the best and worst parts of moving.

Is there anyone who enjoys moving?  I am glad my kids look at boxes and think, “this will be fun.”  I am at the point of looking at them and trying not to curse.  Before moving to our now old house, I had not lived anywhere for two years since high school.  Now having lived in the same house for 10 years and having my family expand to 5 people and three dogs, I find myself amazed at just how much stuff we have accumulated.

Of course, I can not even claim to be doing the majority of work for the move.  Somehow, J has managed to pack 90 percent of the house while dealing with the day to day tasks inherent in raising our kids.   She is going crazy, but in our family that just means she is regressing to the median level of nuts.

As for me, when I’m not stressing out about the buying of a new house or organizing the movers (that J found), I am going bonkers at work.  As we enter our busiest phase of the five year cycle, my boss was reassigned over a personality conflict with his new boss (a position he and many others think he should have gotten).  The aftershocks continue, and my staff is leaving over the uncertainty and new (mico)management policies.  Thus far my project has lost 3 of 7 analysts.  That’s Okay though because we still have the same amount of time to develop the end product .  The end result is I come home more stressed than I should to realize the unfair life truism, “The more stressed I am, the more sleep I need.  However, the very things which are stressing me out require more time which means less rest not more.”  It is not a great cycle, and it is not tenable long term.

Yet the goal approaches.  The new house is nice and in the school district J and I want for our kids.  The dream is not a nightmare, just a tangled sweaty dream of labor to interrupt regular life’s struggles.

Share