Category Archives: MS

a good life, anxiety, appreciate the good life, defining success, failure, foot drop, half marathon, Journey, limits, midlife crisis, MS, MS fatigue, MS treatment, Multiple Sclerosis, running, stretch goals

Forty & Ten: Midlife Crisis Averted

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Earning this felt like an accomplishment.
Earning this felt like an accomplishment.

Nobody likes to fail. Our human minds are set up to remember our failures, so why would we do something at which we are unlikely to succeed?

The better question is how are we to really know we have done all that we can if we never push ourselves to the point of failure? The problem with failure is the ease with which we see it as an end rather than a measuring stick used for future endeavors to expand our abilities. It is OK to fail so long as we have done all we could at the time.

I still love Samuel Beckett’s “Ever Tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail Again. Fail Better.”

It is with this mindset that I set out on my attempt to run my second half marathon on a beautiful June Saturday morning at Yellowstone. I have to admit, I had many doubts about my ability to complete the race. I had not run that far in two and a half years. I had a stomach virus hit me very hard on Thursday night leaving me dealing with having shit the bed four times until finally, there was just nothing left. I had not had an MS treatment for 2 months as I continued through the washout period needed to switch meds. Finally there were the two reasons my wife gifted me with the trip in the first place: I turned forty and have had MS for ten years.

As I sat there Friday morning thinking about this list of reasons to fail, I realized these are excuses, and we all have excuses. The question is whether those should stop me from trying. I showered for the fourth time that night, drank some more water and went to bed wondering if my stomach would keep me from an item on my bucket list, seeing Old Faithful. Thankfully, my body did what it normally does to viruses; hit it with a tactical nuke. After a dreadful evening, I went downstairs and bought a Gatorade to be followed by 2 more in short order. Then I went with T, my brother in law, to continue sight seeing in Yellowstone for a third day where we got to see Old Faithful along with many of the other cool geysers, springs and pools.

Castle Geyser just keeps going and going for 25 min. We saw it before and after Old Faithful. I thought about it while running.
Castle Geyser just keeps going and going for 25 min. We saw it before and after Old Faithful. I thought about it while running.

On day four of our trip, I got up and ran the half marathon. I worried about whether I would be able to finish the 13-mile run at altitudes of 6,000 feet to 6,850 feet, especially when I fell twice in mile 10 because foot drop and a long run over very uneven terrain can do that to me. Still, I finished in 906th place. When I shared the results with my kids, they started to commiserate as if it was sad so many people were faster than I. I told them over 2,700 people finished the race, and I was in the top third of all finishers. I am anything but disappointed with the finish. I meant it when I started, and I mean it now. The challenge was for me to finish, not to finish faster than anyone else. Two hours and twenty-four minutes after I crossed the start line, I succeeded. It was a beautiful trip, and a great reminder that 40 & 10 are just numbers. They are just another measurement of time, and not the most meaningful ones at that.

Thank you T and J for a wonderful trip complete with great memories. I needed the break from reality, and my self esteem needed the half marathon attempt.

Thank you T for showing me around. I would never have seen as much without you.
Thank you T for showing me around. I would never have seen as much without you.

I got a lot of great photos on the trip, and I will create a page with just those in the next few days.

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MS, MS symptoms, Multiple Sclerosis, pain

Life Is Not a Box of Chocolates. It’s Crummy

Believe it or not, I had red hair.
Believe it or not, I had red hair.
I know the Forest Gump quote says, “Life is like a box of chocolates,” but lately it seems more crummy. Some days, the crumbs are like the left over crumbs from a great coffee cake. I don’t want to waste the sensation of tasting even one morsel. So I push them all together in an effort to get just one more taste. Other days are more like the annoying crumbs of play-do left after our kids use it, fold it, cut it, shape it, and ultimately leave lit bits to either dry up into sharp bits that stab up through my socks or worse mush into the fabric of the socks. Yuck.

Sadly, this last week has been decidedly more of play-do crummy. I’ve had more pain more often of late. With more pain comes more mistakes and difficulty thinking. For a while, the pain has been in my hands, but of late just getting up from a seated or laying down position comes at a risk of sharp back pain like being stabbed with a spear straight through to the gut. I still have no idea what prompted that pain or caused it, but thankfully it is less common this week. Now I am back to primarily joint pain in my wrists and hands to pair with head aches. I can deal with these.

After all, I’m a red head, or I was before my hair lost its color. I did find it interesting to read how red heads feel pain differently than everyone else. Maybe if I did not have MS, I would be more reactive to pain from cold, but other than that this article echoes my experience. red head pain

As I got over the sharp stabby crumbs, I managed to stumble into the gross mushy crumbs. While everyone else in the family got sick last week with a nasty stomach virus that lasts for 2-3 days, I managed to avoid it. I attributed my luck to my MS. My immune system attacking everything with a tactical nuke has its advantages, and I am rarely out of work. I just didn’t realize my immune system was yet to be tested. As everyone else got better on Monday, it struck me Tuesday morning. It was the first time I have ever needed a puke bucket while sitting on the toilet. Yuck! Those crumbs were gross and they were on far more than just my socks (have I mentioned I love my wife lately?)! The good news is my body’s tactical nukes got me past the yucks in less than 10 hours. The next day I was at work…8 lbs lighter.

Having experienced both types of negative play do crumbs, I have to say bring on the coffee cake. These things do come in three’s right?

Scratch that.

I’ve had enough crumbs.

I want to scream for some good old ice cream!

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