Category Archives: life’s vision

family life, happy life, inspiration, kids' love, life well lived, life's vision, Living Well, Love and Chronic Illness, Uncategorized

The First 3,652 Days of Marriage (10 Wonderful Years)

Many years ago, in a time unlike today, I began a lucky streak, unbroken to this day.
Many years ago, in a time unlike today, I began a lucky streak, unbroken to this day.

This week, J and I will hit a milestone, our tenth anniversary.   After 3,652 days of marriage, I can still claim to be the lucky one.  I married an awesome woman, a great mom, a good cook, a caring nurse and  my friend.  I managed all of this without running afoul of polygamy laws too. I think about all of this in light of research showing MS patients are 40% more likely to divorce than the general public (already grim odds), and like in so many other topics, I am happy our family embodies the role of the exception.

Every year, I include on an anniversary card my favorite saying, though I know not where it originates,

“Come walk with me.

Stay and grow old with me.

The Best is yet to be.

This I believe.”

I think the reason I have always liked the saying is the way it makes sense in so many orders. In my head, the order is frequently swapped to the point where I don’t even know the “correct” order any more. The only current tense relates to a belief in the bright future.  The future in any order speaks to a vision of a wonderful shared journey.  What more could I ever want than someone with whom to share the good life?

Because it’s our ten year anniversary, I’m happy to be able to bring out my other favorite verse to describe the way I would wish to think about our last 3,652 days and my hopes for tomorrow and all of tomorrows’ tomorrow: .

Camerado, I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself. will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

–      Walt Whitman (end of Song of the Open Road)

Sometimes, the best part of a shared journey is the feeling of having helped those whom we love and admire. K (age 3) pushed A (age 8) up the hill.
Sometimes, the best part of a shared journey is the feeling of having helped those whom we love and admire. K (age 3) pushed A (age 8) up the hill.
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a good life, life's vision, love, Wife's vision

Valentines Day

Valentines Day
As the years go by, it’s sometimes easy to forget how we got here. I hope many years from now, any reader of this would understand why I marvel at my wife’s vision. There’s a reason she is the beautiful dreamer in our relationship, and it’s one very good reason I’ve stayed for all these years. Because I wish everyone could see her in the light of my eyes, here’s a little perspective from my point of view.
On my first date with my wife, I asked her “What would your life look like 5 years from now if everything went the way you would like it to? Dream big, but be honest.”Her answer was that she would like to foster medically fragile children. In 5 years, she wants to be taking care of kids society ignores for the most part, those who need parents badly. I asked what exactly that entails, and it was one of the conversations that made me feel some of my jokes with my roommate about marrying her, which I’d been making for more than a year before the date, might be more than jokes. I never had a problem with the thought of my genes not being passed on. Heck, much of my thoughts which shape how and what I see in the world come from my step dad. 10 seconds or 3 hours of fun in bed does not a parent make. Drives to soccer, reads a book, talking about the day, models behavior etc. are the things which make us parents.
So here we are more than 10 years later, and we’ve been fostering medically fragile kids for years and been lucky enough to adopt two.Taking care of sick kids is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. It’s frequently exhausting, and so what? Even as I get tired, I really only have to look over at my wife or listen to her getting up in the middle of the night for the 4th time to know I have to match a very high bar indeed if I am to try and match her effort to make the beautiful dream a reality rather than just another herculean test of fortitude and commitment.
I know I’m difficult, and I see our kids and the challenges they provide as well. Still, she’s there, usually with what ever we need. Sometimes, it’s a harsh word. Sometimes it’s with an encouragement. I’m not even going into the day to day grind of making sure everything is as it must be. Still occasionally, when I’m really lucky, with a stolen moment of passion she reminds me of when I first saw her and got hit for telling her sister, “Wow, your sister is hot.” I’d say I live for those moments, but the truth is I live for the entire dream, for the sense of purpose it’s given me. Through the years, I’ve taken the name of “The Life Well Lived” on quite a few message boards, and frequently it has meant many different things from it’s inception of how I would wish a biography of my life to be titled to what I would hope for my kids. On this Valentine’s Day, it’s for the Beautiful Dream, our dream. Thanks for letting me share.
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