Category Archives: life with MS

A Screwdriver in a World of Nails

Cloudy or not, life's views are often still beautiful.
Cloudy or not, life’s views are often still beautiful.

There is a saying, “If your only tool is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.”  That’s a fine saying. For even a screw can pass for a nail, if one is willing and able to put in the extra effort to pound away. But what if one’s only tool is a screw driver?

As I look back on the week, I see many things which turned out well, but seemed so much harder than they should have been.  I find myself more and more having to throw effort and elbow grease at problems until they yield.  The thing is, I am not using a hammer to pound away at screws.  I’m using the handle of a screw driver as if it is a mallet, all the while ignoring the cracks and dents each nail imparts upon the handle.

Have you ever felt like you could solve problems only to find more and more problems for which you are not ideally prepared?  That has been my feeling all week long from having the wrong screws to rebuild a broken swing set to securing a computer at Miami airport only to find it could not load Adobe Connect.  I was able to solve both problems, but each took more time and effort while making me feel foolish for not anticipating the problem until it needed solving immediately.

This whole week has been exhausting and rewarding.  My work published our fourth publication of this cycle.  I went to St. Thomas and met with the Governor, and on the way back, I stopped in Miami airport to use the Ambassador’s club to participate in a webinar for the American Board of Internal Medicine.  To top it all off, I came home to family happy to see me.

I’m tired, but I still feel relevant, less isolated and more importantly, appreciated.  For a guy with a fairly aggressive MS, it reminds me how I should define my luck to appreciate what I still have. It has been a good week to remind me to use other tools as needed, and not to panic if the first tool grabbed does not work.

Not every problem is a screw.

I love talking with data driven politicians.  This week, I was lucky enough to spend time with John de Jongh, Jr., the governor of the U.S. Virgin Islands.
I love talking with data driven politicians. This week, I was lucky enough to spend time with John de Jongh, Jr., the governor of the U.S. Virgin Islands.
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Battle of Perspectives

Every day as I wake, it seems a battle between two perspectives. I resent having to fight the same fight daily about how I will view my MS today. I am all for self awareness and introspection. I just hate having to send my mind down the same tract to the same emotional boxing match.

In the dark trunks, on the near side is Mr. MonSter. He fights the long fight, rarely going down and never going out. He reminds us the way to boil a frog in a pot with no lid is to warm the water slowly. Towards this end, he opens with jabs of slowly increasing pain. He waits for opportunities to exploit faults in memory to cause cracks in confidence and temperament. If he hit with all of his tools at once, he would be giving up the isolating feeling he brings when nobody believe his opponent is worse than they usually are. He’s always up for the full bout, and his strength only increases as the rounds progress.

In the insanely bright, hurt your eyes green trunks in the far corner is Mr. Perseverance. His fighting style is characterized by a belief in what is done despite being tired one day is the best indicator of what will be possible tomorrow and all of tomorrows’ tomorrows. While many who have fought Mr. MonSter have fought to conserve spoons full of energy to either win in the later rounds or subsequent matches, Mr. Perseverance believe in punching onward taking what opening present themselves now. He is a risk taker with confidence he will be able to withstand any counter punches, and as his name implies, he rarely gives up even in the face of high costs in the near future. His belief in new methods of recovery and increases in fitness allow him to fight ever on.

Who wins? Lately, Mr. Perseverance has won by decision, but the water is slowly getting warmer. Will Mr. Perseverance ever concede one battle to take the time to hop to another pot or will the MonSter win out in the end?

Tune in next time…and the time after that….and the time after that….

In the words of an early 80’s television show, “Same bat channel, same bat time…”

O spotted this bird on a walk around Burba Lake at Ft. Meade.  I bet it wouldn't be trapped in a pot of boiling water with no lid.  Will Mr. Perspective learn from Ali to "float like a butterfly and sting like a bee?"
O spotted this bird on a walk around Burba Lake at Ft. Meade. I bet it wouldn’t be trapped in a pot of boiling water with no lid. Will Mr. Perspective learn from Ali to “float like a butterfly and sting like a bee?”

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