Category Archives: kids teaching kids

emotion, Family, family life, feeling different, kids teaching kids, kids' love, kids' perspective, parenting, Uncategorized

What Does Impulsive Look Like?

"Dad, honest I did not pick up your nasal hair trimmer to attack my eyebrow."
“Dad, honest I did not pick up your nasal hair trimmer to attack my eyebrow.”

​In 36 hours, my son took scissors at school and cut his hair really close to the scalp, tested his scissors that he took home on his pillow case, and tried out my nasal hair trimmer on his eyebrow. It is funny to me when colleagues at work tell me about the trouble their children invent. It makes me realize it is not that my kids do unusual things to find their way through the world. It is that they do so many, so often, and in such rapid fire ways. So my colleagues sometimes look at me like I have some sort of antidote because my kids still live despite having made crazy decisions. If I had that power, do you think my kids would still be making and remaking the same decisions? I mean O has now nut his hair to the scalp three times now at ages 3, 6, and now 8. It’s a good thing he looks good with a shaved head.

This same impulsive behavior that often makes me feel as if my hair is falling out when O is hyper every night at 7:30 to 9, also leads to some very touching, heart felt moments of empathy. Last week after talking about how A could only eat peanut butter sandwiches every day because we had to limit her food, O decided that was all he would make himself for lunch. That way A would not feel alone in not being allowed to have different lunches like her friends have. I think these moments are golden.

I just wish we had a few less moments like last night when O came home from a birthday party A left because she didn’t want to watch everyone else eat pizza and cake. O came home and said, “A, you should have been there. We had pizza and great cake! It was awesome.” I think the head-slap emoticon was meant for those moments.

I wonder how many more generations will enjoy newspaper comics. I love seeing my kids read for fun.
I wonder how many more generations will enjoy newspaper comics. I love seeing my kids read for fun.

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3000 days, family versus work, hiding gifts, kids teaching kids, love you gifts, project management

Work, Family and 3,000 Days

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Do you find there is a trade off between work and family?  How does one reconcile family values with the “it takes hard work to get ahead” culture in which we live?  This push pull seems to break so many families, and I can see how.   There was an article in the Atlantic recently which asked these questions from the position of can a reconcile professions and family.  All I can say is the questions are the same for men though we take none of the flack for our choices either way.
Nobody has ever questioned my decision to take time off when my family needs me.  I even list taking care of sick kids on my resume right next to my pride in all of my employees leaving to become managers.   In job interviews, I have also listed taking care of medically fragile kids as an answer for questions asking for a demonstration of project management in action with some very specific details.  I may be strange, but I see the care of my kids as an important note on who I am professionally.  I understand those who think putting the care of sick children on a resume is foolish.  I disagree.  My profession is project management, and the skills needed for both my career and vocation are similar.
It’s worth noting, I took my first job here recognizing a trade off. I took the job which paid me 5k less a year to have time off for fun and later for family. Little did I know ten years later I would need time off for healthcare too. 
I should point out the divorce rate for managers my level and the level above mine is very high. It takes a special spouse for us guys too.  I know it makes me a total nerd to say this out loud, but there is a huge part of me thrilled to note we will have been married 3,000 days on July 4th.  Even if we are too tired to celebrate much, I am going to think the fireworks are nicely timed for personal as well as national celebration.  A couple of months ago, I was walking by a jewelry store in DC when a man made, purple sapphire necklace in the window caught my eye.  I walked in just to see how much it would cost, and after some negotiation, I got it and a pair of earrings.  I think the store keep just liked my story and plan to use them for a 3k day, because I ended up with both of them for the cost I was prepared to pay for just the necklace.  I figure 3 things for 3 thousand days. 
I plan to give the necklace and use the earrings to continue my tradition of hiding things around the house with notes for J to find someday in the future.  A found one of my last gifts this weekend (a Smurfs cartoon DVD).   My usual rule is the gifts have to be less than $10, and I figure the randomly found “I love you” notes with small gifts are fun to hide.  So yes, the earrings are a bit more than the $10 normal limits, but J will just have to accept I break rules some times when something just feels right.  I’ll make sure I point out the date they were hidden was July 4th (the 3,000thday).  I wonder if I will remember where I hide these.  I often laugh when the gifts are found long after I forgot hiding them with the date hidden written on them.  At one point J found some chocolate I had hidden 2.5 years before.  It tasted horrible, but it did get a laugh from all of us who tried it.  We laughingly violated the logical response to “Ewe gross!  Here you try.”

On another note, some days are just about holding on.  Hold on through sleepless nights and through the tempers that follow.  As we go weeks between nights where all of our kids sleep through the night, I see cracks in temperament of the whole family.  Still, we are here looking forward to more great days even as we have some moments I will cherish forever.
One such moment happened this weekend.  After the first night in the past week for all of the kids to sleep, I loved watching A reading right next to O, as they both read the same book.  O would try to read the book, but fairly often he got lazy and just relied on his memory.  A would correct him and show him each of the words he missed and sound them out with him.  It didn’t last more than 15 minutes, and they only got up to “I like to box.  How I like to Box!”  Their laughter completely stopped their cooperative reading as they never even tried to go back to reading.  I didn’t redirect them back to it because it was a teaching not put forth by anyone but them.  I just made sure to praise them at lunch 30 minutes later. 
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