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When Logic Fails

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The mind is a mystery, and sometimes it is really scary.
The mind is a mystery, and sometimes, it is really scary.

Have you ever disagreed with someone and it seems as though all logic fails to convince them the errors of their ways? Unbelievably, I am not writing about a political issue even if the logic may be the same. As we deal with A’s stomach and her growing phobias, there are times we have to take a step back from our position of frustrated parents. I am sure I have frustrated many friends and teachers through the years when I have failed to grasp their reasoning, but I wonder if I am as untouched by the logic of the learned as my daughter has shown herself to be recently.

Dealing with an 8 year old who cannot eat in a restaurant because there is a fly is annoying. Having her reduced to huddling against me for safety from the fly or crying out in fear would be somewhat comical to watch from afar. We tried everything we could think of as we pointed out how big she was compared to the fly, how the horse she had just ridden was able to shake them off, and finally how little of her food the one fly was likely to eat. It did not matter as all of these arguments are adult logic.  The dinner was a wash for her.

Then we went home and a fly followed us into the house. As A screamed not wanting to go to the bathroom where the fly went, we thought we would go insane. I promised to squash it if it came after her. I reminded her of the books about “Buzz” the fly. Still, teeth brushing had to happen at another sink, away from where she saw the fly.

It was just a fly!

At some point, we came to realize we were arguing the wrong way. We were using logic as an adult might to solve a problem. Her problem is deeper and more pervasive. We were proposing a gentle salve on an emotional wound deeper than we know. She cannot stop picking her hands, and suddenly she cannot eat hot dogs with ketchup on the bun. Those are just two of the many recent changes. Why? Who knows, but the phobia and sudden intense dislikes are difficult to resolve. I wish I knew what those emotions meant to her. It is like an emotional logic I just do not understand, and she does not have the vocabulary to express it.

What does one do when one’s own logic fails to sooth the results of a kid’s thought process?

“Dear incomprehension, it’s thanks to you I’ll be myself, in the end.” – Samuel Beckett in The Unnamable

"I'm not saying I am Wonder Woman. I'm just saying nobody has seen me and Wonder Woman in a room together." Well, I'll say it, "You are my Wonder(ful) Woman."
“I’m not saying I am Wonder Woman. I’m just saying nobody has seen me and Wonder Woman in a room together.”
Well, I’ll say it, “J,You are my Wonder(ful) Woman.”
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costumes, halloween, huricane, kid's reactions to stress, Sandy, stress

Sandy, Thank You For Not Staying

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We all deal with stress very differently.  Some people shut down and retreat within the walls of their minds while others seek solace in the company of friends, family or even strangers.  I’ve also seen those who seek to project power over the sources of their stress as if acting in control will force a positive outcome. 

I guess I am more of the do what can be done then wait the storm out whether it’s an illness, a job problem, or an actual storm.  This past week, it was Sandy, a massive hurricane.  We thought it might hit us for 4 days before it did.  With each day passing, the likelihood grew, until it came to dominate the news for a solid week.  It was in the news so much beforehand, people rushed to the stores to buy life’s little needs and were able to return in subsequent days to get everything they forgot.  I don’t remember a storm with as much lead time to prepare.
My kids lost it for a few nights beforehand as they picked up on some of the local worries. With two kids already on anti-anxiety meds, it doesn’t take much. Every night and every morning, the little bit of control they usually struggle to maintain was missing. The slightest hint of tired was too much for them.  It made for a few nights of yelling to get them to settle down. The night of the storm, they slept in the room with us in sleeping bags, and they slept deeply enough to not wake during the harshest winds of the night. The first day was all rain with winds

After the storm, slowly the nights are getting marginally better, and I’m hoping each night this week will bring us back closer to a livable norm. I can only imagine how little fun it would have been had we actually lost power or been in NJ. We were lucky in our little corner of MD.

The only damage we have is some water coming through a basement wall.  It pools on concrete before flowing back to the French drains to one of our 2 pumps out.  J was worried about mold in the insulation, but I’m not concerned.  I turned on the dehumidifier which outputs to a pump to dry out everything, marked with a pencil to see if the puddle grows or shrinks, and thanked the people we hired to water proof our basement.  As I said above, I aspire to the do what you can and stop worrying club.

Halloween was a hoot.  J made a great ninja turtle costume for O, and A went as Minnie Mouse.  K was a Care Bear, and while she wasn’t originally going to go trick or treating, she obviously had a blast.  There is some thing therapeutic about dressing up, pretending to be other than we are, especially when we transform ourselves into a happy fearless gang.  The timing of the celebration couldn’t have been better for our family…and there’s candy to boot!  

I want to give a special thanks to all those who have viewed this blog.  I never thought it would generate 5,000 hits averaging more than 2 min per hit.  It’s humbling to think how much time people have spent reading this blog. 

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