Category Archives: half marathon

a good life, anxiety, appreciate the good life, defining success, failure, foot drop, half marathon, Journey, limits, midlife crisis, MS, MS fatigue, MS treatment, Multiple Sclerosis, running, stretch goals

Forty & Ten: Midlife Crisis Averted

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Earning this felt like an accomplishment.
Earning this felt like an accomplishment.

Nobody likes to fail. Our human minds are set up to remember our failures, so why would we do something at which we are unlikely to succeed?

The better question is how are we to really know we have done all that we can if we never push ourselves to the point of failure? The problem with failure is the ease with which we see it as an end rather than a measuring stick used for future endeavors to expand our abilities. It is OK to fail so long as we have done all we could at the time.

I still love Samuel Beckett’s “Ever Tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail Again. Fail Better.”

It is with this mindset that I set out on my attempt to run my second half marathon on a beautiful June Saturday morning at Yellowstone. I have to admit, I had many doubts about my ability to complete the race. I had not run that far in two and a half years. I had a stomach virus hit me very hard on Thursday night leaving me dealing with having shit the bed four times until finally, there was just nothing left. I had not had an MS treatment for 2 months as I continued through the washout period needed to switch meds. Finally there were the two reasons my wife gifted me with the trip in the first place: I turned forty and have had MS for ten years.

As I sat there Friday morning thinking about this list of reasons to fail, I realized these are excuses, and we all have excuses. The question is whether those should stop me from trying. I showered for the fourth time that night, drank some more water and went to bed wondering if my stomach would keep me from an item on my bucket list, seeing Old Faithful. Thankfully, my body did what it normally does to viruses; hit it with a tactical nuke. After a dreadful evening, I went downstairs and bought a Gatorade to be followed by 2 more in short order. Then I went with T, my brother in law, to continue sight seeing in Yellowstone for a third day where we got to see Old Faithful along with many of the other cool geysers, springs and pools.

Castle Geyser just keeps going and going for 25 min. We saw it before and after Old Faithful. I thought about it while running.
Castle Geyser just keeps going and going for 25 min. We saw it before and after Old Faithful. I thought about it while running.

On day four of our trip, I got up and ran the half marathon. I worried about whether I would be able to finish the 13-mile run at altitudes of 6,000 feet to 6,850 feet, especially when I fell twice in mile 10 because foot drop and a long run over very uneven terrain can do that to me. Still, I finished in 906th place. When I shared the results with my kids, they started to commiserate as if it was sad so many people were faster than I. I told them over 2,700 people finished the race, and I was in the top third of all finishers. I am anything but disappointed with the finish. I meant it when I started, and I mean it now. The challenge was for me to finish, not to finish faster than anyone else. Two hours and twenty-four minutes after I crossed the start line, I succeeded. It was a beautiful trip, and a great reminder that 40 & 10 are just numbers. They are just another measurement of time, and not the most meaningful ones at that.

Thank you T and J for a wonderful trip complete with great memories. I needed the break from reality, and my self esteem needed the half marathon attempt.

Thank you T for showing me around. I would never have seen as much without you.
Thank you T for showing me around. I would never have seen as much without you.

I got a lot of great photos on the trip, and I will create a page with just those in the next few days.

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dog picture, Exercise for the sick, family picture, half marathon, MS, running, self confidence

Never Slow Down…Never Grow Old

There is a phrase I’ve heard many times when it comes to finding the ideal diet or workout, and I still find it true to the point where I chuckle every time I see an ad or commercial for a new miracle diet or exercise plan.  I believe the truth is in the quote, “The best diet/exercise plan is the one you will actually follow.”  It would seem to go without saying, but invariably there will be people who think the biggest loser lifestyle is for them…right up until lunch of the second or third day or even week.  It’s only the lifestyle changes which work.
Twenty months ago, I was 242 pounds on a work trip to Guam and CNMI.  During the first stop in Guam, I tried to run a mile despite all the hills surrounding our hotel.  With a lot of walking, I finished in just over fourteen and a half minutes, and I felt like death.  I was surprised because I have taken the stairs at work to the 6th floor where my desk is four or five times a day for years.  
Taking the stairs was my silent rebellion against the leg weakness I felt creeping in from my MS.  Having played 20 years of soccer, I had been able to leg press the stack of weights since college.  So I convinced myself if MS was to steal 3% of my strength, maybe climbing 120 stairs a day would slow the progression to 1% a year.  I was actually sprinting up them to the 8th floor every morning…and yet here I was trying to run a mile and having a lot of difficulty.
I’ve always thought my self an athlete, not a jock.  An athlete is one with enough physical ability and enough awareness to be able to learn to compete in any sport.  It was always a point of pride for me to be amongst the first chosen in any physical education event and still be the same guy who plays chess on days when there was no soccer or basketball.  As somebody who thinks themselves an athlete and has played soccer for 20 years, not being able to run a mile was unacceptable even with it being a mile of hills.  I know there will come a day when MS makes me accept it, but the day has not yet come.
So twenty months later, I ran two miles in 14 minutes 22 seconds.  This weekend, I will try to run a half marathon, a goal I had on my bucket list created during the process of being diagnosed with MS.  I had almost given up on the goal as the only cardio I could really do was row on my concept 2.  My balance was so bad I fell often, and I decided it was far better to fall 6 inches and get back on it rather than run and fall.  Alas, the rowing comes back to the first point of the best exercise plan is the one followed.  It became too much trouble to clear a spot, take out the rowing machine, work out, and then put everything back.  I just wasn’t doing it often enough.  Hence, between that and steroids for flares, my weight went from 202 when married to 242 lbs.   
Now as I prepare for this weekend, I’ve come to realize whether I accomplish my half marathon goal this weekend or a future one, the exercise plan of training for it has been the best one for me.  Twenty months later, I am back to 195 lbs.  I have far more energy, and I’ve found the running has helped with the spasticity in my legs and back.  I still fall some if I move my head quickly or go from standing to sitting too quickly once I am warmed up during my runs.  Most of the falling though is from fleeting blindness, and I’ve gotten pretty good at training myself not to trigger it.
 Succeed or fail this weekend, I’ve already won.  While I know my body image isn’t what determines my success, the me I see in the mirror is one I appreciate more.  While not quite a source of self confidence, at least I no longer feel as betrayed by the body I see in the mirror.  The images above and below show how I measure my success, but still I look at the pictures I took of myself in the mirror at the hotel in Guam after the run when I need to motivate myself to run.  It’s a plan I follow, and what I originally had as an end point will likely be just another milestone.

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