Category Archives: family life

Family, family life, foster care, happy life, parenting, Uncategorized, when kids won't sleep

Another Year in the Rear View Mirror

This is the life we build. It is complicated, but what a ride!
This is the life we build. It is complicated, but what a ride!

I have definitely enjoyed parts of this Christmas even as others have proved difficult.  It has been a Christmas where my mom was able to take J, A, and O to the Nutcracker just like she used to take me every year.  Hearing how much my kids loved the performance is a reminder how much we share and how much we are raising them to be like us (heaven help them).  My family and I have benefited greatly from the generosity of others this Christmas,  and we have been able to celebrate the season as I wish we always could.  We went to the zoo lights at the National Zoo which we all enjoyed, but the Christmas lights show which we enjoyed the most was closer to home: https://www.facebook.com/LightsOnIceCrystal

Every year around New Years, I try to look back on the past year to better appreciate all I’ve done, seen and learned.  In January, we took a family trip to FDR resort in Jamaica which was the most enjoyable family trip I remember.  I hope we can go back again but with K this time.

It’s been a year where A and O learned to ride bikes and read for fun.  In fact, it’s been a year where we have all learned a lot.  For me, I learned how little “privacy” we have (http://thelifewelllived.net/2013/06/10/nana-your-business-my-perception-of-american-privacy/)

My highlights for the year include deciding we will try to adopt K and on a slightly lesser scope, attending a conference at the National Academy of Medicine where I learned about healthcare systems from all over the world. On a personal goals front, I went from being unable to do a single pull-up without help in September to being able to do 5 by my birthday and 7 by the end of the year.

Still, even with all of the great moments and accomplishments of the year, it’s not been a smooth ride.  I sleep less and hurt more.  I make more mistakes and often find myself starting the day saying, “OK, so what have you got in the tank for today?”  A lot of this is the result of strained family dynamics due to medication changes.  With the change to our 6th psychiatrist in 5 years for O and A comes a change in treatment philosophies.  The last doctor thought lack of sleep was the most important symptom to be treated, but the new doctor worries about the interaction of drugs taken for the past 6 months.  Changing everything at Christmas time when sleep is fleeting for excited children has just been painful.  We are all tired, and it feels like starting over with repressions in manners and self control at their lowest points in years.

Despite this, our kids have had some epic fun building roller coasters an Pac-Man adventures, reading and playing games.  I guess there is an advantage to less sleep.  Our imaginations can run wild.

 

Beware the ghosts!
Beware the ghosts!

 

 

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family din, family life, Hindu parable, shout

Quiet Shout

Sometimes, life merits a closer look.  Days may seem hard with mind muddled and hands burning, but it is in these dragging moments that memories are forged, habits made and relationships cemented.  Some days the reward is making it through to a reflection point.  I feel like this has been my life all week, so filled with busy moments, so filled with a clutter of noise to the point of distraction.  I sometimes feel as though my mind is lost by 4pm.  I’ll grant my MS does cause me some trouble sorting through signals amidst the common screams and barking dogs wanting food. 

Then as I am trying to settle the kids down, I get a chance to realize how wonderful it is to see my son sitting by himself reading while my oldest is upstairs playing a card game against with her stuffed animals as an opponent.  As our youngest plays with her birthday present, I finally get a moment to breathe.  While our kids are doing nothing our friends’ kids do not do regularly, I remind J this means our kids are acting normal and at the upper end of normal activity.  They are not acting delayed or stuck to a video screen.  This is what success looks like a brief moment before the storm of bedtime fuss.  MS and other family issues might make such moments hard to achieve, but perhaps they make the normal more remarkable.
 
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A couple of months ago, I ran across a Hindu parable I like more and more with each reading.  I share it because it speaks to a quiet different from the noise in our house.  Note, I don’t think the noise in our house in any way signals a lack of love.  Our house is one of constant noise and not few shouts and barks.  Life for our kids is one with a constant struggle to know love and define what it means for them. Kids know they are loved but test the boundaries as all young do. They test the boundaries between each other, the dogs and their parents, often with loud results.  No doubt, our house could do with taking something away from the lesson in the story, which I suspect is why it speaks to me.
The parable:

A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.

‘Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?’

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout.’

‘But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.’ asked the saint

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.

Finally, the saint explained,

(Continued on next page)


‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They do not shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…’
The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that is all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

He looked at his disciples and said.

‘So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return. They may end up in divorce courts, for instance.’ 

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Finally, because it the week of Halloween, I have to share the bug I found outside while walking one day.  I have no idea what type of bug it is, but it is colored exactly right for the week.  Happy Halloween!

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