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How Did I Get Here?

How did I get here?

When we thought our family was complete, and we could take no more, we were approached about R. We were asked if we could take him because other foster families could not easily take in his halo for his broken neck. However, J looked at him as a challenge we could possibly meet where others shied away.

R was a challenge from the moment he came home. J had to keep tightening the screws in the halo and cleaning where it touched his scalp. This meant mind crumbling screaming twice a day inflicted by poor R. Still he came through it all. He has recovered from the ping pong fractured skull, the broken neck and the various other breaks. Now he is just a freak of nature able to do multiple pull-ups and having fantastic balance.

What do you do while waiting for doctor? R prefers to make them think about liability insurance for injuries in their office to encourage being seen promptly.
Balance? I got that.

Eventually, the question of adoption came back up. I have said for a long time, “We only know what we can do when we fail. If you never fail, you probably could have done more.” When my wife and I talked about adopting R, I said I don’t want to be 80 looking back on my life , seeing the good we have done, and think, “but we could have done more.” With that said and a year into our life as an official family of six, I have to admit I see failure as a single misstep away, and it scares me. To this point, I think we have done all we could. I look at the tired haggard face in the mirror every night and think the circles and wrinkles well earned.

When I think of the question “how did I get here,” I hope my kids end up coming to the same conclusion I keep arriving at. I got here through the love and support of some amazing people trying to make the most of all we have been given.

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Child care, children's therapy, chronic conditions, chronically ill children, family impact of MS or other trauma, family life, Uncategorized

Disability

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What, you mean that doesn’t look like a comfy sleeping position?

Disability is relative and not a  good determinant for value.

Our family recently found ourselves in need of a new dog to be a companion to the hyper one we already had.  With our family’s make up of various medical conditions, we got excited when J saw pets with disabilities.  When we  realized they were close to it, J started combing through their dogs looking for an ideal match.  We all piled in the van and headed off to meet a one-eyed dog in need of a home.  However, the one-eyed dog was intimidated by our loud and crazy 4 kids and hyper dog.  It wasn’t going to work…but thankfully the lady who runs the place thought of another of their dogs who might match.

Ziggy had his back legs/hip hurt when he was younger, but he is such a bundle of happiness.  He loves everything and everyone.  He trots after our hyper dog or plays stationary defense when he gets tired.  He lets our two-year old lead him around.  The biggest “disability” he seems to suffer is an inability to jump.  When I talked about him to my coworker, she said, “That’s a disability? I wish my dog had that disability.”  I figure his making the most of life without being able to do something other dogs take for granted just means he belongs with us.

Last week, I had a conversation with my son about MS in my life.

O: “Do you ever wished you didn’t have MS?”

Me: “I used to wish that I didn’t have MS, but over time I have come to accept it as just a part of the hand I was dealt.  I realized getting angry about the head aches, lack of dexterity, poor memory, etc. was not really helping me.  In fact the more I focused on it, the worse I felt.  In truth, I think I hit the lottery when it comes to the hand I have been dealt to live.  I grew up with parents who cared about me.  I’ve always had enough to eat and opportunity to learn.  Now I have a beautiful wife, four kids, a good home and some dogs to keep us company.”

O: “The headaches and stuff suck though.  I wish you didn’t have it.”

Me: “At this point I think wishing things like that is about as useful as wishing I had been born with the talent to be an NFL star making millions of dollars.  Wishing to be other than I am seems to belittle so much of what I am and can do.  I am probably not going to gain fame from my singing unless you can figure out how to make me famous for how poorly I sing and dance.  My bet is you will not grow to be the tallest man in a generation.  I think there are still a ton of things you can do with your life.  Should I waste time wishing you were a giant or just appreciate you for the smart, athletic and empathetic kid that you are?”

O: “I guess that makes sense.  It’s your whole thankful for what we have bit again isn’t it?”

Me: “Yup.  Our family all came together bonded by our ability to live with medical conditions.  I can not wish too hard for us never to have had our conditions.  Without them, we might never have met, much less become a family.”

 

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