All posts by thelifewelllived@gmail.com

Sometimes life’s best made plans go for naught. Last week, I had my transfusion that is usually followed by a week of increased energy. I had 4 days off, so I was able to plan to be up and home to take care of the kids allowing my wife to finally catch up on some sleep. I’m under no illusions that I’m easy to live with, and getting up every morning with 2 kids (the oldest is 2) is one of those things I see wearing her down. They have boundless energy and not too much coordination. So I thought 4 days to sleep in should help, eh?

Of course that was the plan. Mr. O got sick Friday…by Friday night he couldn’t keep down pedalite…so off to the emergency room my dw went after we ate dinner. My hat is off to her. I would have gone insane spending 18 hours in the emergency room and another 2 hours getting admitted. If that meant I was awake for 36 hours, I sadly would probably have driven others insane too. 🙂

Let’s just say catching up on sleep for the weekend was out the window for her.
On the good side, A and I spent the weekend together. We read books…when she would pick it was Go Dogs Go…over and over and over :-). That’s okay because I picked every other book, as I won’t read the same book twice in a row. So we read Switch on the Night, Where the Wild Things Are, and Alexander and the No Good Terrible Very Bad Day. Yay. I was so happy when A learned how to erase the etch and sketch…now that’s a life skill gained towards self entertaining. Woohoo. I probably shouldn’t cheer that too much because some day too soon she won’t look to spend time with me.

All in all it was a good weekend, but on the hard side…but not hard in a way we didn’t sign up for.

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I’m now 72 hours into my 33rd year. I often find myself looking at where I am now in terms of where I’ve been and what I’ve been through in the past year. As such, birthdays and new years seem natural times to just take a minute to look back.

Looking back, I have to say I hated my last year more than any other I’ve lived through. If my life were a movie, I’d be hitting fast forward in search of hope of a happy ending. With that said, it ended better than it began. I spent my 31st birthday in hospital, and while the hospital might be good for solving the ailments of one’s body, it sucks for one’s spirits. For months after that I was on a drug that did little for me. At least at the end of the year, I switched to a new drug that seems better. Oddly, I find myself feeling physically better and yet more emotionally distant. Ah well, fix one leak at a time.

All in all, I can’t help but think the lesson of this year for me has been when I don’t have hope, fake it. There’s no point in dragging everyone else down, and sometimes positive expressions inspire other genuinely positive emotions in others. Even better, sometimes these new positive emotions inspire positive feelings in me. It seems like playing poker against fate. If your hand sucks but you have to play it anyway, bluff. Every now and then, fate folds.

I keep thinking the song “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” needs a modified ending for adults. “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands… If you’re unhappy and you know it fake it well.”

The best example I have for the just fake it mentality comes from trying to get my kids to smile for the camera. I felt down that day. I cringed at the thought of getting them to smile as they started fussing and wandering instead of helping out the photographer…Literally, it was “if you’re happy and you know it to the rescue.” I started singing that song and A started her giggles…before long my faked joy was real.

I wonder who learns more in the parenting relationship: child or parent.

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