If this is three weeks beard growth while in hospital, I can imagine the results of a no shave November.
Four weeks ago, I was annoyed with myself for not running faster than 9.5 min miles on my normal run. I attributed it to just a bad MS day which happens. Three days later, I had trouble even getting energy to get out of bed. The next day, I went to Howard County Hospital starting a 22 day hospitalization.
During the hospitalization, I had two chest surgeries to deal with my empyeema and then drain remaining gook from around my lungs, fluids pumped into me to deal with sepsis, two chest tubes, and various other meds and treatments. I had wonderful nurses who went the extra mile doing things like giving me a USB powered fan to keep cool because I was always hot, and I had experiences that were the opposite. The important part is after all this, I finally made it home.
The x-ray on left is from day i went home. The x-ray on the right is from when I went to hospital, and it got worse before first surgery.
Now I am at home where the effort to stand and walk to the bathroom, relieve myself, stand up, wash hands and walk back to the bed or chair is enough to wind me. I have physical therapy where I am told not to push too hard or I will backslide. I am not going to lie, it seems a mountain to climb to get back into the shape I was in just a month ago.
As my wife gets worn to the bone with our four medically fragile kids and I see how little I can help now, I realize my desire to run again is so much less than my current sense of diminished ability to give the help my family needs. That only fuels the desire to do what I can to ramp up the recovery process, to push harder into the breathing and walking exercises. I mean that is how I have always dealt with physical challenges…except I can’t now. My ability to impact this recovery feels diminished.
So I am left telling myself I have to keep perspective. A couple of weeks ago i was airlifted to another hospital for surgery because it would have been dangerous to drive me in an ambulance. I am better then I was then. Not long after that I was intubated for 2 days after my first surgery. After my second surgery I had 2 chest tubes and couldn’t go to the bathroom without a nurse to help with all my tubes. I am better than then too. In those time frames, I am recovering.
I think the true test now comes with maintaining the frame of reference to stay positive. I am better today than yesterday and need to stop measuring today against a month ago. The true challenge is maintaining the frame of reference I am recovering. The competitive side of me always loves a challenge, but there are times I fail to keep the faith because it doesn’t feel better right now. Thankfully, these moments are fleeting.
Of course recovery will be when i reach the point half way up the mountain where I was when this chest infection started. I will get there. Then it’s on to see the view from the top. Till then, all I can do is wake every day saying. “Bring it…just a bit slower for now please.”
