Category Archives: pain

MS, MS symptoms, Multiple Sclerosis, pain

Life Is Not a Box of Chocolates. It’s Crummy

Believe it or not, I had red hair.
Believe it or not, I had red hair.
I know the Forest Gump quote says, “Life is like a box of chocolates,” but lately it seems more crummy. Some days, the crumbs are like the left over crumbs from a great coffee cake. I don’t want to waste the sensation of tasting even one morsel. So I push them all together in an effort to get just one more taste. Other days are more like the annoying crumbs of play-do left after our kids use it, fold it, cut it, shape it, and ultimately leave lit bits to either dry up into sharp bits that stab up through my socks or worse mush into the fabric of the socks. Yuck.

Sadly, this last week has been decidedly more of play-do crummy. I’ve had more pain more often of late. With more pain comes more mistakes and difficulty thinking. For a while, the pain has been in my hands, but of late just getting up from a seated or laying down position comes at a risk of sharp back pain like being stabbed with a spear straight through to the gut. I still have no idea what prompted that pain or caused it, but thankfully it is less common this week. Now I am back to primarily joint pain in my wrists and hands to pair with head aches. I can deal with these.

After all, I’m a red head, or I was before my hair lost its color. I did find it interesting to read how red heads feel pain differently than everyone else. Maybe if I did not have MS, I would be more reactive to pain from cold, but other than that this article echoes my experience. red head pain

As I got over the sharp stabby crumbs, I managed to stumble into the gross mushy crumbs. While everyone else in the family got sick last week with a nasty stomach virus that lasts for 2-3 days, I managed to avoid it. I attributed my luck to my MS. My immune system attacking everything with a tactical nuke has its advantages, and I am rarely out of work. I just didn’t realize my immune system was yet to be tested. As everyone else got better on Monday, it struck me Tuesday morning. It was the first time I have ever needed a puke bucket while sitting on the toilet. Yuck! Those crumbs were gross and they were on far more than just my socks (have I mentioned I love my wife lately?)! The good news is my body’s tactical nukes got me past the yucks in less than 10 hours. The next day I was at work…8 lbs lighter.

Having experienced both types of negative play do crumbs, I have to say bring on the coffee cake. These things do come in three’s right?

Scratch that.

I’ve had enough crumbs.

I want to scream for some good old ice cream!

Share
a good life, break point, family life, MS, MS cognitive function, MS symptoms, pain, parenting, self esteem, stress, Uncategorized, when kids won't sleep, worries

Breathe. This Too Shall Pass. Just Breathe.

2 Comments

10…. Breathe. Just breathe. This too shall pass. O is having one of his run from authority screaming in an effort to avoid any work or responsibility. I will play some of this off as his way of dealing with the stress of the move. I wish he wouldn’t teak K to jump on the couches and chairs or run down the stairs with hand prints on both walls as he steadies himself between each jump. Dear Lord, will he ever stop screaming that high pitched squeal of excitement.

9…. Breathe. This too shall pass. Just breathe. A will not always stay awake all night to be in a rotten mood. She will have to sleep at some point, right? Maybe…She explained her sleeplessness as feeling like the dogs in a thunderstorm. Even if she has never had anything bad happen while she slept, the fear is real, and it is inhibiting her sleep. Last week, we gave up and went to bed with her still up. At 3:30, she came and woke me to help her get in bed with her dog. She had stayed up drawing by flash light.

8… Breathe. Just breathe. This too shall pass. K is a bright cheerful light. She laughs as wind touches her face. She cheerfully accepts any thing she can. She imitates her siblings to our chagrin and emulates O’s hyper activity intent to out screech him. She wants to miss nothing in life, and she wants to be with her siblings at all times even as they teach her things they get in trouble for doing.

7 …. Breathe. This too shall pass. Just breathe. My staff of 7 from a year ago has lost 4 of the employees and is likely to lose another. Out new upper management change has driven many of the best employees to look elsewhere for employment. All the while we enter the 5th year of our 5 year cycle. The most complex processing lies directly in front of us with little time to train new employees and not enough employees to do the job without the added brain power. Miss deadlines? I hate failing to deliver.

6… Breathe. Just breathe. This too shall pass. We bought a house! We have our stuff in the new house if now put away. I feel like I live in my car going between Walmart and Lowes to get this and that followed by returning this and that to correct the sizes.

5… Breathe. This too shall pass. Just breathe. With stress comes pain in the head and muscles, foggy brain time, and ever more mistakes. The amount of rework time needed is insane.

4… Breathe. Just breathe. This too shall pass. A’s has slow motility. I wonder if she knows what it is to have an empty stomach. We have tried medicines aplenty. We are having some luck with juicing, but it is an abominably labor in tense process for us to get juice pulp free using a food processor and a strainer to get juice which will go through her g-tube. This too shall pass? That’s the idea!

3… Breathe. This too shall pass. Just breathe. My heroine, J, has done so much of the move. She has coordinated, planned, carried and strained. I have always called her my Wonder Woman. How she keeps going is incredible. I feel so guilty unable to help more. Sure, I can watch the kids and carry the really heavy items, but I haven’t the energy to go 14 hours a day as she has for the past few weeks.

2… Breath. Just breathe. This too shall pass. One of the hardest parts of MS is the helpless feeling I should be able to do more. As I get stressed, I still expect my mind and body to perform as normal. I have had varying levels of pain for year, so why should it matter now? I have been a project manager for 8 years. Work stress comes and goes, so why am I unable to perform as well as ever. Then, the fear of failing again feeds into a feeling of downward spiral. Why? It’s a matter of faith this too shall pass, and recovery is near.

1… Breathe. This too shall pass. Just breathe. We have tried for years to teach our kids the magic calming of counting either up or down with each breath. I find myself resorting to this method ever more often. Calm is out of sight but just around the corner, right?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Share