Category Archives: life cycle

“Why Is the Day So Short? I Want More Time to Play”

20131201_075645“Why is the Day so short? I want more time to play” – O

From the mouths of babes…I told my son these things never change.  I still want more time to play, to bring the ideas in my head out into the sun, to relax, and  to play (yes, I wrote “play” twice because it is that important).  The day this stops is the day I stop living.

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Every Thanksgiving weekend, my high school has a memorial service before an Alumni Basketball game.  Years ago, there was also an alumni soccer game the same day, and I used to make sure I attended the soccer game to play.  While I played both sports, soccer has always been the sport I love.  One year, I stayed to play the basketball game too and attended the service in between the two games. Every year since, I have tried to attend the service if I could.

In the service, every name of all the alumni, all the monks, and all of the teachers who have died are read to receive our prayers.  To hear all of those who have died through the years is to know a community I belong to will know my name after I am gone.  While I am not religious, there seems something very appropriately comforting in belonging to what will last beyond my breaths.  It’s a family.  Maybe that is why this year I noticed for the first time my favorite high school English teacher has his name read twice.  He was both teacher and alumni.  He was also one of the teachers who made me want to write, though it took 15 years for his lessons to sink into my skull and bring me to a point of writing. Thank you Mr. Barret.  I still remember telling him I would never want to write non-fiction, as it is too boring.  He insisted the line between truth and fiction is often merely a matter of perspective.

My conversations with him began a fascination which has lasted my entire life, perspective.

Thank you.

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Since I was diagnosed with MS years ago, I have been asked many times, if I resented all of my dreams and enjoyment I have had to give up due to my multiple sclerosis.  I usually ask them how many things they want to do with their life.  I suspect most of us have a huge list, and many of them we plan to accomplish at some future unknown, unplanned date.

On this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the realization on every good day I need to do as many of the things I want to do.  Tomorrow, I may not be as capable.  Having a progressive disease makes me see the time I have left as limited, a perspective I wish other healthy people appreciated.

We never have enough time to play.

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Lives Tied Together – Go In Peace

It seems there is a groundswell of murder suicides or reporting of murder suicides involving people with chronic progressing diseases.  Yesterday, I read about a case where a husband killed his wife who had Alzheimer’s before killing himself (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/31/us/love-that-endured-alzheimers-ends-in-2-deaths.html).  
Today, I read about a similar situation where the wife had a fairly progressed state of MS (http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/brooklyn/mercy_murder_suicide_LWRF0UtUB8jKU0uTF2ZcdM#ixzz1rUzf1QSx).  
I am struck by how long these couples have been together.  It would seem the man in both cases was unwilling to continue down a road without his wife.  Both were progressing, though less is reported about the progression of the woman’s cognitive disabilities save she could no longer handle bills.  I imagine it must be very difficult to watch a loved one slip away, and I can imagine the stress of it being overwhelming.  After decades together, watching what we love in our partners’ mind eye dimming seems an incredibly disheartening prospect.  I could understand the actions if it was something they had agreed on together.
How many long time married couples die with in 2 years of each other?  In the grand scheme of events, is this that far outside the norm that we should be horrified?  The unnatural part is the gun and the immediacy of the one death following the other, but if they have tied their lives together for so long should they be denied tying their deaths together too?  It’s a little crazy for my way of thinking and living, but it’s not so far out I can’t imagine the thought processes.
Is it possible the real crazy is simply our inability as a culture to confront death in any way not summed up in our fairy tales?  Come to think of it, most of our fairy tales were rather Grimm.  
I am beginning to think we as a culture strive to only deal with the stuff in the middle of the life cycle, and only when given the Disney version which has to end with “and they lived happily ever after.”   Please remove all sex, birth and death from the viewing area of our culture.  We are cleared only for PG rated material, at least if it is something about which we have to think.  Everything else is simply too shocking to contemplate.
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