Category Archives: foot drop

Forty & Ten: Midlife Crisis Averted

Earning this felt like an accomplishment.
Earning this felt like an accomplishment.

Nobody likes to fail. Our human minds are set up to remember our failures, so why would we do something at which we are unlikely to succeed?

The better question is how are we to really know we have done all that we can if we never push ourselves to the point of failure? The problem with failure is the ease with which we see it as an end rather than a measuring stick used for future endeavors to expand our abilities. It is OK to fail so long as we have done all we could at the time.

I still love Samuel Beckett’s “Ever Tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail Again. Fail Better.”

It is with this mindset that I set out on my attempt to run my second half marathon on a beautiful June Saturday morning at Yellowstone. I have to admit, I had many doubts about my ability to complete the race. I had not run that far in two and a half years. I had a stomach virus hit me very hard on Thursday night leaving me dealing with having shit the bed four times until finally, there was just nothing left. I had not had an MS treatment for 2 months as I continued through the washout period needed to switch meds. Finally there were the two reasons my wife gifted me with the trip in the first place: I turned forty and have had MS for ten years.

As I sat there Friday morning thinking about this list of reasons to fail, I realized these are excuses, and we all have excuses. The question is whether those should stop me from trying. I showered for the fourth time that night, drank some more water and went to bed wondering if my stomach would keep me from an item on my bucket list, seeing Old Faithful. Thankfully, my body did what it normally does to viruses; hit it with a tactical nuke. After a dreadful evening, I went downstairs and bought a Gatorade to be followed by 2 more in short order. Then I went with T, my brother in law, to continue sight seeing in Yellowstone for a third day where we got to see Old Faithful along with many of the other cool geysers, springs and pools.

Castle Geyser just keeps going and going for 25 min.  We saw it before and after Old Faithful.  I thought about it while running.
Castle Geyser just keeps going and going for 25 min. We saw it before and after Old Faithful. I thought about it while running.

On day four of our trip, I got up and ran the half marathon. I worried about whether I would be able to finish the 13-mile run at altitudes of 6,000 feet to 6,850 feet, especially when I fell twice in mile 10 because foot drop and a long run over very uneven terrain can do that to me. Still, I finished in 906th place. When I shared the results with my kids, they started to commiserate as if it was sad so many people were faster than I. I told them over 2,700 people finished the race, and I was in the top third of all finishers. I am anything but disappointed with the finish. I meant it when I started, and I mean it now. The challenge was for me to finish, not to finish faster than anyone else. Two hours and twenty-four minutes after I crossed the start line, I succeeded. It was a beautiful trip, and a great reminder that 40 & 10 are just numbers. They are just another measurement of time, and not the most meaningful ones at that.

Thank you T and J for a wonderful trip complete with great memories. I needed the break from reality, and my self esteem needed the half marathon attempt.

Thank you T for showing me around.  I would never have seen as much without you.
Thank you T for showing me around. I would never have seen as much without you.

I got a lot of great photos on the trip, and I will create a page with just those in the next few days.

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"Straw, Straw, Straw, Hay, Straw"

How is it recitation of the same things over and over again can help drill a concept into our head and yet over time make us completely immune to its benefit?  In my case, I was thinking of the “left, left, left, right, left” I used for a couple of years when running and my legs started getting tired.  It worked for years… right up until last week.  Suddenly it still felt like running in quicksand with my right leg just refusing to run correctly.  Then late at night I found myself dragging  a bit as I took my dogs for their walks.

As I was walking the dogs, I was thinking about a conversation earlier in the day with a friend who was having trouble sleeping.  I said I never had that problem anymore.  I explained how I used to be able just count down from 100 with each breath and I never made it to 50 until I got very frustrated one night.  It was the third time counting down from 100 that I decided to try counting down by 2.5.  The simple fractions have been all I’ve needed for the past 5 years.

It was the same concept changed ever so slightly to give the mind slightly more distraction allowing the old habits to rule.  This prompted my memory of posting about “left, left, left right left” awhile back and having a former message board member tell me the story of how civil war soldier didn’t know their left from their right so they held straw in one hand and hay in the other saying “Straw, Straw, Straw, Hay, Straw.”  So, I started this subtle switch and it has worked except both legs are just inconsistent, perhaps from wearing the brace on my leg calf for too long but probably from my MS.  So as I go for my lunch run this past week and some of my night walks, sometimes it’s “Straw, Straw, Straw, Hay. Straw” followed by “Hay, Hay, Hay, Straw, Hay.”  Something about focusing on one side makes me put my foot down differently, harder.  It makes me more evenly balanced.  As I read more and more about how exercise can help delay the progression of my MS, I become more determined to use all tricks I can think of to avoid losing more ground. http://multiple-sclerosis-research.blogspot.com/2013/11/exercise-is-good.html

Still, I wonder why does small change allow the mind to reuse simple tricks, to give power back to our minds to control muscles, breathing and sleep?

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Halloween gave us the chance to celebrate the pumpkins which grew in the rose garden by our front door.  Last year my son, took seeds from his pumpkin and tossed them in the garden.  Twice this summer, we cut down what we thought was a weed growing in the roses, but we could not dig it out.  It was too much amongst the thorns.  When we realized it was pumpkin, we let it grow, and it produced all but one of the pumpkins in the picture.  Telling some of the trick-or-treaters and their parents all of the pumpkins grew within 15 feet of our porch was awesome.  Thinking all of this grew despite our efforts to kill the plant twice is fun. 

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