All of our numbers are base 10, and evidently my perspective is too. There are just times when 10 seems a world bigger than 9. I never feel like I am sick and take a lot of medicine. I know my MS meds cost a lot, but I never think of myself as taking a lot of drugs every day. My system is simple. Only one bottle moves to tell me the last pill I took, and I chuckle every time the nurse asks if I miss doses. No, I don’t forget doses. The pain is a good reminder system. See? It is simple, so I can not be that sick, right?
Then this week, I started a new medication which pushed my daily count to 10. I never count pills taken for unusually high levels of pain because I rarely take them, and it kept the daily med count to the single digits. I find it humorous I should have such a hang-up about the 10th pill. I thought my hang-up would be over it being an anti-depressant, but my self image is more at odds with the 10th pill than depression. I don’t feel sad or melancholy, at least not beyond reason for what life throws.
Don’t get me wrong. I still take all 10 pills. How could I not take them and still look A in the eye when I tell her she has to take her meds. She takes 15, and it’s not like that is the highest number she has had to take per day. I continue to use my kids as role models even if traditionally it is the other way around. None the less, I still cringe as the new drug plays havoc with my stomach while I get used to it. It is all part of the evil of the tenth drug.
I wonder if 10 is a big number for an MS patient of eight plus years? It feels like a big number to me.