"It’s Just Not Fair!"

To my daughter,

I’m sure every parent feels like they hear “It’s just not fair!” from their kids a thousand times a year.  The hard part is when I find myself agreeing.

“Honey, you have no idea how much I agree.  No seven year old should have to take as many meds as you do first thing in the morning or in the evening before bed.  Then again, no young kid should ever have to live through all you’ve made it through or fear you will go through.  Try to remember you are the miracle.  What life gives is some times unfair, but what you do from that point on, is on you.  Take the meds.  I know it’s unfair, but do you want to be miserable?”

Saying all of this leaves unsaid your need to go through it all while in the process of  losing so much of the life you have known from visits with Blue a child you heard reunited with a biological family he feared… to your therapists with whom you took 4 months to open up… to your best friends (leaving for 2 years in a month)…With all of this on your shoulders, you begin a new school year.  Yes, life is unfair some times.

Maybe it’s because I had these thoughts, but for the life of me I just couldn’t get you to take your meds this morning.  Forty five minutes of silence (ah golden…if only the others complied too), stubborn refusal, deal making and finally deal breaking.

I get it, Dear.
Believe me!
I get it.

As much as anyone in the house, I get it.  Sadly the cocktail of meds is the best we have for your heart, emotional, and colon issues.  For what it is worth, I take my own cocktail of meds.  Your most common complaint is “You just don’t understand me!”  When you says this this, I almost always find myself wondering if you will mean it more or less as a teen.

Then I think how little I want my family to understand my symptoms and how different we are in this.  You long for understanding and seem to despair when nobody does.  I fear my family will understand because I don’t think they can without going through my ringer of symptoms in the worst moments on bad days.  I could never wish understanding on my family or any whom I love.

I do understand the original sentiment though.

It’s just not fair…and through it all, I am amazed at your will to give.  When you are down on days you have to take meds you just do not want, your biggest fit was reserved for not being able to give a gift to your friend leaving at the end of the month. When your biggest tantrum was a mere 20 minutes over having to wait a day to give her a gift you knew she would like, a gift to remember you for the next two years until back in America…that’s when I realized.

I have so much to learn from my kids.  Sometimes, there are things worth a good fuss.  Waiting till tomorrow seems an eternity to make happy someone about whom we care. After all, who knows what tomorrow may bring.

Love,
Dad

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