The New Years parties I attended in my youth rarely lived up to the anticipation. New Years often amounted to little more than a farcical scramble to make plans as much to have them as to live them. There was a status which went along with having plans. I keep thinking this is more than just New Years. There is still the search for direction, a need for a plan. Once the plan is made, it’s often seen as the road to an easier better life.
I know I live that life every day. I can’t tell you how often I think if this goal or that is met then all will be awe inspiringly great. If we could just get the kids out of diapers, if we could just teach them to read, if we could just find the best medicine routine for me and the kids, if….So we plan, and we strive to achieve what we think will make us happier. The funny part is “happier” seems to come not from achievement but rather from the efforts. The achievement seems almost a reward to give us hope to keep moving forward. It’s never enough. Peaceful triumph is the carrot hanging from a stick tied to the carriage we pull.
However, failing to find the imagined state of nirvana in no way takes away from the joy of the search. The search itself is the Holy Grail. I think one of the hardest parts of a chronic health condition is the added magical hurdle which seems to reappear in front of us every 5 feet. It’s just more tiring. Still, as the New Year signals a fresh start, may all have a wonderful journey this year towards what ever destinations await.
On the family front, an immediate goal is to survive long enough for K to come home from the hospital. I couldn’t be more proud of the kids as they film little messages for K every day saying we can’t wait for her to come home. I love their desire for our house to be a home for her. Still, what was originally thought to be short stay for some steroids has turned into a week with no quick release in sight. So I go back to my Christmas wish, and I hope it holds sway for all those who belong in our home.
Frequently of late, I find myself chuckling as the kids ask for more Justin Hines music and videos. Of course to them he is the man in the wheel chair. They think it’s great to see a man with obvious medical issues be so popular and good at entertaining. I like the messages they take from his music, and watching them make their stuffed animals dance to the music while they sing along is priceless.
Happy New Year!