Jamaica trip

There was yet another crazy prediction of the world ending on Saturday at 6:00 PM. In theory, it was to happen at 6:00 PM in every time zone, but it was the rapture for only the chosen few. It was widely mocked. As many making fun noted, “If we’re wrong, we’ll never know it or those who were right won’t be here to gloat.” So Sat. at 5:59, as I was about to send my mind on a quest for Sanity, she walked in. My quest ended when I realized Sanity was by far the most homely of ideals. Me thinks she would place first for the queen of the Ugly Bug Ball. I decided to stay within the walls of my making enjoying flights of fancy. Yes, I do think of reality as a lady. It’s a hold over from classical mythology of the three fates as female. If fate is female, I don’t think it a stretch to think of reality and sanity the same way.
Last week, Jill and I took our first trip in 3 years away together without the kids, and it was a blast. I loved the Jamaican hospitality. The food was great, the area was beautiful, and as usual my wife was fantastic. To say we needed the time alone together is to understate the need by epic amounts. We hadn’t slept through a night in a month due to interruptions from the sleepless horde of two. On the trip we did zip lines on a canopy tour which had some scary drops back to ground level, but the ride and the views were awesome. I am very glad we did it as it is another adventure I would probably have reconsidered if I had known about the drops back to the ground, but it often seems those adventures tackling my fears are the ones I remember most fondly. We also climbed some waterfalls which was a beautiful but rushed expedition. It was hard to keep up on uncertain footing, and I was trying very hard not to pull the human train down with me. Still, I am glad we did the tour (see picture from an early one above). The stopping at the same gift shop twice was a bit much, but I still take with me the waterfall climbing experience and the kissin the hidden enclave underneath the waterfall as a fun memory. Of everything on the trip, I think my favorite part is coming away with recent memories of us as a couple, not just as a  mom and dad. I needed those thoughts to carry through when times or days are hard. We all do.

On the harder side, my wife noticed me putting myself down a lot. It’s probably true. I guess I keep trying to lower the expectations bar as I have more trouble or think I will have more trouble. I’m uncertain, and the hesitation along with the added need for time to think kills confidence. I find myself hearing the negatives more and more even if it is only my own self evaluations. It’s only when I take the time to go back over honest criticism, that I hear the positives too. I sometimes lose sight of the process when the ends are not as I would wish. Ah well, we all have these walls. This weekend, I tried to break as many as I could taking care of my two kids while my wife recovers from shoulder surgery. I’d like to think I earned at least a passing grade if not a close to head of the class grade for my care of the kiddos while running up and down the stairs with things for Jill. So at least this once, I won’t put myself or what I did down. I think putting it down would require more energy, and right now I’m a bit tired. It was kind of a long weekend, you know?

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